Stephen Colbert gingerly recaps Night 1 of Trump's Republican National Convention

Stephen Colbert recaps the RNC
(Image credit: Screenshot/YouTube/The Late Show)

The Late Show debuted its elaborate Avengers-themed opening montage for the Republican National Convention on Monday night — and President Trump's Thanos got some CGI friends, plus Vice President Mike Pence and Batman.

"Just like the Democrats, the GOP has given each night of the convention a different theme — I believe the four nights are 'Famine,' 'Pestilence,' 'War,' and 'Death,'" Stephen Colbert said in his recap of the RNC's first night, adding that the first night's actual theme was "Land of Promise." He seemed to think that might be a stab at irony: "The Democratic National Convention closed with Joe Biden's warning that we have to overcome a season of darkness. Well, this week, darkness gets their turn at bat."

Other than finding America's world-high COVID-19 death toll acceptable, according to a recent poll, "what else does the GOP stand for?" Colbert asked. "No one knows, because it was announced last night that the GOP will not write a 2020 platform. Well, that makes sense, given how much Trump struggles to get down from platforms." He did find the GOP's re-upped 2016 platform pretty spot-on, though.

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Then Colbert ran through the actual convention, which he characterized broadly as "a long midnight of the soul." Watching the night's speeches was like witnessing "a snake devouring the Republican Party, even though Trump promised something completely different," he said. Colbert ran through Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-Fla.) and Rep. Jim Jordan (R-Ohio) claiming Trump cares about people, Herschel Walker's "low bar" for Trump's parenting, and Kimberly Guilfoyle's "very nuanced screams" about Trump's agenda, her ex-husband, and other topics. "Is the loud lady gone?" he asked after her finale. "This is the first time in my life I've had to turn down the volume on C-SPAN."

"One of the most anticipated speakers of the night was presidential son Donald Trump Jr.," appearing on stage with a "sweaty face and wet, bloodshot eyes," Colbert said. "Either he's high or that's what happens when you live in the splash zone of Screamin' Guilfoyle." He was more impressed with Sen. Tim Scott (R-S.C.), minus his odd "utopia" slam, and "it all built to a crescendo when Tim Scott finished speaking 5 minutes before the end of the official run-time — so they just showed B-roll of the White House. It ended early!" Watch him turn that into an obvious metaphor below. Peter Weber

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