Speed Reads

Last Night on Late Night

Stephen Colbert half-cheers the Trump Organization indictments, jokes he doesn't want to get hurt again

Something happened in a New York court today "that will forever change the course of our nation's history — or not," Stephen Colbert shrugged on Thursday's Late Show. "It's too early to tell." He told his audience he wanted to join in their cheering about the Trump Organization and its chief financial officer, Allen Weisselberg, being indicted in New York, "but I've been hurt too many times. First I fell in love with the Mueller Report, and then I bounced back with the first impeachment, then I gave love one more chance with the other impeachment, and I just hurt, you know."

Even before the indictment was unsealed Thursday afternoon, "all the experts were saying that these charges, unlike the former president, seemed kind of thin," and then Trump himself wasn't even personally indicted, Colbert said. "Nothing sticks to this guy. I'd call him 'Teflon Don' but I'm pretty sure that coating is deck sealant." Still, he added, "this is a moment of reckoning. It's like the end of the Avengers, when Tony Stark snaps his fingers and destroys Thanos' ... accountant. You gotta work your way up to Thanos — they'll get there."

"Anyway, we here at The Late Show will continue to stay on this story as it continues to disappoint us," Colbert said. "But I do have a glimmer of hope for a sliver of consequences on the Jan. 6 insurrection." House Speaker Nancy Pelosi named her eight picks for a newly approved select committee to investigate the insurrection, and her selections included Rep. Liz Cheney (R-Wyo.). "Okay, so the committee has seven Democrats to grill the seditionists, and if that doesn't work, they've got one Cheney to shoot 'em in the face," he said, noting that's a "15-year-old joke" based on a true story.

The Late Show also performed its ambivalence about the Trump Organization indictments in the parody of an '80s classic from The Pointer Sisters.