"We are 18 months into the coronavirus party," and it's time for another round of shots, Stephen Colbert said on Thursday's Late Show, pointing to the new approval of boosters for select groups. "To make sure only seniors get the shot, the vaccination site is a Denny's between the hours of 3:00 and 4:15," he joked. They also "okayed boosters for those in workplaces with high exposure risk and those with high-risk conditions — you know, like diabetes or living in Florida."
"Now, not enough Americans are getting vaccinated because of all the bad advice going around out there," Colbert said, and "tonight's whopper" involves disgraced former National Security Adviser Michael Flynn claiming the government plans to sneak the vaccines into food. "And their chosen vessel is salad?" he asked. "Really? You might want to put it in something we actually eat, like Pizza Hut's Vax Lover's Pizza." He chased that with lots of salad dressing jokes.
"Man, this country's living in two different worlds," Trevor Noah said on The Daily Show. "One side is doing everything they can to avoid getting the vaccine, and the other side is going to their doctor," begging for booster shots.
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Scientists recently found that "the smell of pumpkin spice conjures up fond and familiar memories of Thanksgiving and holidays," Jimmy Kimmel said on Kimmel Live. "They should put it in the vaccine. ... Pfizer should start offering shots of pfumpkin spice."
"Remember a couple of years ago, that bombshell New York Times article that showed us how Donald Trump avoided paying income tax?" Kimmel asked. "Well, Darthy Vader is now suing both The New York Times and his niece Mary Trump for making his financial records public," essentially proving all the embarrassing things they revealed are true.
"There's been a lot of news this week on the Donald Trump legal front," Seth Meyers said on Late Night. "We found out stunning new details about a memo one of his lawyers wrote on how to overturn the 2020 election, he sued his niece over damning tax documents he inadvertently admitted were real, his lawyers knew days after the election their claims of widespread fraud were BS, and there are reportedly more indictments coming in the Trump Organization tax fraud case." Seriously, he added, "Trump has so many legal problems, CNN doesn't even have time to go through them all. CNN! They're a 24-hour news network."
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Florida erases rainbow crosswalk at Pulse nightclubSpeed Read The colorful crosswalk was outside the former LGBTQ nightclub where 49 people were killed in a 2016 shooting
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Trump says Smithsonian too focused on slavery's illsSpeed Read The president would prefer the museum to highlight 'success,' 'brightness' and 'the future'
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Trump to host Kennedy Honors for Kiss, StalloneSpeed Read Actor Sylvester Stallone and the glam-rock band Kiss were among those named as this year's inductees
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White House seeks to bend Smithsonian to Trump's viewSpeed Read The Smithsonian Institution's 21 museums are under review to ensure their content aligns with the president's interpretation of American history
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Charlamagne Tha God irks Trump with Epstein talkSpeed Read The radio host said the Jeffrey Epstein scandal could help 'traditional conservatives' take back the Republican Party
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CBS cancels Colbert's 'Late Show'Speed Read 'The Late Show with Stephen Colbert' is ending next year
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Shakespeare not an absent spouse, study proposesspeed read A letter fragment suggests that the Shakespeares lived together all along, says scholar Matthew Steggle
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New Mexico to investigate death of Gene Hackman, wifespeed read The Oscar-winning actor and his wife Betsy Arakawa were found dead in their home with no signs of foul play
