In a world that is seemingly more connected than ever, loneliness persists — and is on the rise. It is easier to make friends as a child, teen or young adult in college than in adulthood, due to shared activities and forced proximity. However, making new friends as a grown-up can be daunting if you are unsure where to start. These steps will assist you on your journey to building lasting connections later in life.
Invest in weak ties
When looking for new friends, “don’t expect big relationships to start immediately,” said Psychology Today. Start by building relationships with people you already know who “you might want to spend a little more time with,” people with whom you can “share a laugh, at the least.”
Investing in these “weak ties” can lead to “big improvements in social health and well-being,” according to a 2014 paper by Gillian M. Sandstrom and Elizabeth W. Dunn. Daily, small but genuine connections, with “interactions higher in frequency than intensity,” can produce “real feelings of happiness and belonging.” They can also “lead to real friendships.” Just like “little romances,” friendships can “benefit from repetition, social frequency and shared context.”
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Optimize your calendar
As adults, we become busier than ever. “Despite your best intentions,” if you don’t schedule it “you likely won’t do anything about making more friends,” Verywell Mind said. Instead, “set aside time to call the person from your book club that you really connect with.” Decide when you will “ask that friend from the office to join you for appetizers after work.” The key is to schedule these interactions because “you will keep putting them off if you don’t.”
Social media was made to help connect people. Whether it’s would-be friends that are far away or people you haven’t spoken to since high school, your social media accounts are “ripe with opportunities to make friends,” said Verywell Mind. If you see someone post about a topic that interests you, “reach out and make a connection.” You can also use social media to organize get-togethers by posting on your account to “see who might be interested.”
Be vulnerable
It can be difficult to share personal information with virtual strangers, but doing so could be the key to building lasting relationships. We all have fears, insecurities and pasts that could help us connect with new people. When you talk about the “things that are actually on your mind, everyone can relate,” Dorothy Li, the CEO and co-founder of RealRoots, a startup aimed at making people less lonely, said to The Washington Post. “Vulnerability invites vulnerability,” said the Post. This rule also applies “when trying to deepen friendships.”
Maintain your bonds
Making new connections is just the beginning. After establishing new friendships, “it’s important to stay in contact,” said Verywell Mind. Friendships are “like plants.” If you don’t “water them regularly, they will die.”
Make sure you are “regularly reaching out to your new friends.” Call or text them “just to see how they are doing,” and ask about their lives. Show interest in what is important to them. A good friend “doesn’t make the friendship all about their needs” but also “takes an active interest in the other person.”
