How to navigate dating apps to find ‘the one’

Dating in the digital age can be overwhelming, with numerous dating apps and millions of users. If finding your person has become a daunting task, here are some tips for how to best approach dating online — just in time for Valentine’s Day.

Start from scratch

If you want a fresh start, first “detox your poor phone,” said Vice. Get rid of “all those pesky dating apps” for a “morale boost.” Too many apps “take too much toll on people and provoke them to do nothing,” dating coach Julie Nguyen from Hily Dating App said to the outlet. “So just delete them all.”

This does not mean you are “kissing your dating apps goodbye forever,” Vice said. Rather, you are “giving yourself some time to slow down and clarify your intentions.” Pause and “reconnect with the why behind your intention,” then pick the app that “gathers the people who might share” in your intentions, Nguyen said. Leading from “sincerity instead of guilt or pressure” often makes “dating feel simpler and more honest.”

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Choose good photos

First, ensure that all pictures are of yourself, or “risk getting barred from the app,” said Business Insider. People using “images that are not human” such as “anime photos, part of a scenery, or a backdrop” tend to get “hidden and banned,” Shn Juay, the CEO of the dating app Coffee Meets Bagel, said to Business Insider.

If you want to stand out, your picture cannot be “just a passport photo of yourself, where you don't look attractive at all," Juay said. “If you like to cook, if you like to do gardening, you like to do rock climbing or kayaking, show yourself in the photo doing the activity.”

Ask the right questions

On the apps, you want to “strike the right balance between flirting and getting to know someone to build trust,” said The Guardian. Try asking “how they like to communicate” or “what they’re passionate about to see if it’s going to be a fun adventure or if you could end up hurt,” Alice Hoddinott, a well-being specialist at the charity Brook, said to the outlet. “Don’t ignore red flags, and trust your instincts.”

Red flags could be anything from “scant profile details to highly edited photos,” said The Guardian. This indicates a “possible scammer,” Emma Turley, a senior lecturer in criminology at Central Queensland University, said to the outlet.

Remember, it’s not a game

Dating apps have been “cleverly designed to hook you in and keep you scrolling,” and they can therefore be “highly addictive,” said Hello!. Remind yourself that “it's not a game.” Endlessly swiping “without paying attention will not get you anywhere” and will most likely “end up with you having a case of dating app fatigue.” It is a “total waste of your time to like or match with people you have no intention of engaging with, so save your energy and try and be intentional with your usage.”

​​Regulate your emotions

Before you start swiping, “make sure you’re in the right emotional place,” said Vice. Take a beat before responding to a message or planning a date. “Pause and check in with your nervous system,” Nguyen said. “A few deep breaths, some gentle movement or shaking out excess energy can help you settle back into your body.” Dating often feels “clearer and less draining when choices come from steadiness rather than urgency.”