Speed Reads

Late Night Tackles President Trump

Stephen Colbert and Jimmy Kimmel have some guesses, laughs about Trump's buried school transcripts

"Today in Washington was Day 4 of the Michael Cohen Tells All special," Jimmy Kimmel said on Wednesday's Kimmel Live, and among "the areas of interest in this Cohen testimony was his claim that one of the many weird things [President] Trump ordered him to do was to send letters warning Trump's high school, colleges, and the College Board not to release his grades or SAT scores."

"I would bet Trump's grades are so bad he couldn't even get into Trump University, but there's really only one way to find out," Kimmel said. He welcomed the superintendent of the New York Military Academy (NYMA), Dr. Ned Stewart (Fred Willard), who had Trump's grades, SAT score, and some off-color humor.

What could Trump "possibly be hiding?" Stephen Colbert asked on The Late Show. "We all assume he failed everything. Did they invent an easy class for him or something? 'Okay, Donald, welcome back to our special science course, Rock or Not a Rock?'"

A rich friend of Trump's reportedly pressured the NYMA superintendent to find Trump's grades and "bury them," Colbert noted. "That way, if a reporter tried to find out if Trump ever learned to read, write, or spell, there would be no smocking gun. And the demand came just days after Donald Trump challenged President Barack Obama to 'show his records,' to prove that he hadn't been a 'terrible student.' This happens over and over again: Everything Trump accuses other people of, he's guilty of himself — oh my God! Trump was born in Kenya!"

Colbert turned to Trump's "dud" of a summit with Kim Jong Un, after which Trump unilaterally stopped joint military exercises North Korea hates while Kim started rebuilding an ICBM-compatible rocket launch site. "We haven't seen negotiating skills like that since the Trojans got a killer deal on that wooden horse," Colbert said.

Kim gave his own take in The Late Show opener. Watch below. Peter Weber