Stephen Colbert is pretty sure Trump just impeached himself

Wednesday was a pretty monumental day in President Trump's tenure, and kind of a puzzling one, Stephen Colbert said on Wednesday's Late Show. "This morning, the administration, for some reason, released the official notes of Trump's phone call with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky," and they "make Trump look — and I don't want to get too technical — bad."

Colbert read through portions of the transcript in the appropriate voices, then he got to the key part, where Ukraine's president brings up U.S. military funding and Trump brings up Joe Biden. "Zelensky said he wants those missiles, and here comes the quid pro quote: Trump immediately says 'I would like you to do us a favor, though,'" he said, turning the ill-advised phase into a game show, the prizes including "protracted impeachment inquiries!"

After asking Zelensky to look into Hillary Clinton's 2016 email server, Trump turned to the 2020 election. "We do a lot for you, like military help; I need a favor, though; investigate Biden," Colbert recapped. "There it is: Pressuring a foreign country to provide dirt to influence our election. They should hold the impeachment now."

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Trump also told Zelensky that Attorney General William Barr would call him about digging up dirt on Trump's political rivals — Barr denied playing any role — and when talk turned to Trump's personal lawyer and Ukraine envoy, Rudy Giuliani, Trump "told the most outrageous lie of all: 'Mr. Giuliani is a highly respected man,'" Colbert said. He laughed at the White House emailing House Democrats their Zelensky call talking points, and he read though the bullet-pointed spin, pausing at the assertion "there was no quid pro quo." "Yes, all he did was suggest no military aid unless they investigated Biden," Colbert said. "It's just, uh, quid pro Joe."

The Late Show imagined some other problematic calls Trump might have had with different foreign leaders. Watch below. Peter Weber