The Week contest: Fake news

This week's question: Wealthy executives and other public figures are paying reputation managers to write fake news articles about them that show up high on Google searches, helping to bury real and less flattering news items. In seven words or fewer, please come up with the headline of a fake news article that you would like to appear on Google when your name is typed into the search box.
Click here to see the results of last week's contest: Green scream
RESULTS:
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THE WINNER: "People's 'sexiest man alive' brokers world peace"
Joe Ayella, Wayne, Pennsylvania
SECOND PLACE: "California woman refuses DiCaprio's marriage proposal"
Beth Simon, Oakland, California
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THIRD PLACE: "Florida man does nothing stupid"
Mike Matthews, Tampa, Florida
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
"Washington couple takes in homeless unemployed royals"
Kip and Carol McGilliard, Richland, Washington
"Mom's yelling helped her kids succeed"
Barbara Harman, Concord, California
"Mr. Cutler selflessly grows paunch for study"
Barry Cutler, Palm Desert, California
"Gruber, 62, rejects 'Sexiest Woman Alive' moniker"
Joanne Gruber, Coconut Creek, Florida
"Restraining order enacted against love-smitten starlet"
Joe Frank, Scottsdale, Arizona
"Puppy rescue hero donates kidney to nun"
Norm Carrier, Flat Rock, North Carolina
"Man donates both kidneys to self"
Chris Wilhelmi, Chicago
"Retired man wins Nobel Prize for doddering"
Ivan Kershner, Salem, South Carolina
"DNA proves math teacher related to Einstein"
Mark Krenn, Jacksonville, Florida
"Man has successful life without a cellphone"
Jon Goranson, Ringgold, Georgia
"Woman develops powerful antibiotic from refrigerated condiments"
Carol N. Zirk, Keswick, Virginia
"MacArthur Genius wins The Week's puzzle contest"
Lloyd Grass, Fulton, Missouri
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