"Just moments before tonight's taping, the Electoral College officially certified that Joseph R. Biden on the 2020 presidential election — again!" Stephen Colbert said on Monday's Late Show. "He did it! He's still the winner! At this point, Joe Biden has won the election so many times, he's our 46th president through 51st president."
"It looks like the president has finally run through all the possible ways he can attempt to destroy our democracy, but that doesn't mean his months-long assault hasn't done some damage," Colbert said. "Perhaps the worst recent assault against democracy was the super dumb lawsuit filed by Texas" and joined by other GOP attorneys general and 126 House Republicans. "This lawsuit was the president's last hope," he noted, and the Supreme Court shooting it down has "gotta sting. The president personally stacked the court to hand him the election, then they all went reasonable on his ass."
Even the Supreme Court's "extreme conservatives, including three Trump appointees, didn't want to be anywhere near this thing because it was too crazy," Seth Meyers said at Late Night. "They were all happy to go with Trump to TP the principal's house, but when he said, 'Now, should we go in and kill him?' he had to know they were going to back out."
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Trump "was sure that he could count on his hand-picked Supreme Court justices to rule in is favor," but it was "such a weird case for them to get," Trevor Noah said at The Daily Show. Texas suing other states for how they ran their elections is "like telling the waiter that another table should have their food sent back." Between the Supreme Court defeat and the Electoral College defeat, "this really should be the end of it," Noah said. But "Donald Trump did not become a successful businessman by accepting that he was a failed businessman, and he's not about to accept that he lost the Electoral College, either."
The Electoral College's vote is the final chapter, and what a relief — "I would hate to start another week of shows without talking about the same election results we've all known for the last month and a half," James Corden deadpanned at The Late Late Show. "At this point, Trump's only remaining option is just going limp and just laying on the Oval Office floor, like my 3-year-old does when they refuse to leave a toy store." Peter Weber
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Epstein files: Maxwell courts a pardonFeature A new prison transcript shows Ghislaine Maxwell praising Trump as 'a gentleman' while denying his involvement in the Epstein scandal
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Pentagon readies military deployment in ChicagoFeature The Pentagon is preparing to deploy thousands of Illinois National Guard members to Chicago after Trump threatened to send troops into other major cities
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Trump: Taking over the private sector?Feature Donald Trump has secured a 10% stake in Intel using funds from the Biden-era CHIPS Act
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Florida erases rainbow crosswalk at Pulse nightclubSpeed Read The colorful crosswalk was outside the former LGBTQ nightclub where 49 people were killed in a 2016 shooting
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Trump says Smithsonian too focused on slavery's illsSpeed Read The president would prefer the museum to highlight 'success,' 'brightness' and 'the future'
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Trump to host Kennedy Honors for Kiss, StalloneSpeed Read Actor Sylvester Stallone and the glam-rock band Kiss were among those named as this year's inductees
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CBS cancels Colbert's 'Late Show'Speed Read 'The Late Show with Stephen Colbert' is ending next year
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Shakespeare not an absent spouse, study proposesspeed read A letter fragment suggests that the Shakespeares lived together all along, says scholar Matthew Steggle
