Late night hosts find the lighter side of a White House infected with COVID-19 and raccoons

Since President Trump revealed he has COVID-19 five days ago, "the virus has been spreading faster than an HBO password on a college campus," Trevor Noah said on Wednesday's Daily Show. And not just inside the White House. "The nation's top generals and the guy who carries the nuclear 'football' are all quarantining now," he said. "Basically, right now America is that free mattress you find on the curb — you could take it, but you know it's infested with something."

"You've got to appreciate the irony, though," Noah said. "The president who spent years blaming Mexicans for bringing over disease has personally turned the White House into a petri dish."

"White House senior adviser Stephen Miller has tested positive for the coronavirus," Seth Meyers noted at Late Night. "Well, everyone else at the White House has it, and you know how much he'd hate to be in the minority."

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"There are still concerns about Donald Trump's health, so earlier this evening the president released a video to prove that he's doing well," James Corden said at The Late Late Show. Instead, he mostly proved he's "especially orange," but "while rambling about how the drugs he was given in the hospital cured him, the president went on to promise every American free access to those same drugs," Corden added. "Great, well, now that you're giving us the full presidential experience, does that mean that we don't have to pay taxes, either?"

Meanwhile, "early this morning, a CNN journalist reporting from the White House lawn was distracted from his broadcast by having to fend off wild raccoons," Corden said. "I honestly think that the White House has gone too far with their attacks on the press."

Yes, "as if there isn't enough going on at the White House, right now the entire place is infested with raccoons," Jimmy Fallon said at The Tonight Show. "That's a fun decision for the White House staff: Stay inside and get COVID from Trump, or go outside and get rabies from a raccoon." Based on his manic tweeting, "it seems like Trump is feeling better, but White House staffers aren't taking any chances," he said. "Life comes at you fast. You know, a week ago, Trump was at a rally, now the people around him are dressed like scientists in E.T."

Stephen Colbert turned Trump's video into a Zoom interview on The Late Show. Watch below. Peter Weber