With Sen. Elizabeth Warren's departure from the Democratic presidential race, "we're getting a clearer picture of America's future — and it looks a lot like America's past," Stephen Colbert said on Thursday's Late Show. "The one-time frontrunner, Warren made the classic campaign mistake of being able to finish a coherent sentence — and not having a penis." Her departure is "further proof that American cannot have nice things," he said. "She had a plan for everything — a health care plan, an immigration plan, a student loan plan, and her most popular plan of all: kneecapping Michael Bloomberg with a croquet mallet."
Still, "despite her best effort, that Democratic road still has just two lanes — and two drivers who probably should have their keys taken away," Colbert said. He played Warren's thoughts on sexism in the race, acted out Joe Biden and Bernie Sanders courting her endorsement, and played a clip of Warren's dog stealing a snack: "Yes, it's your burrito, but Bailey has a plan for that."
"Who is Elizabeth Warren gonna endorse, Biden or Bernie?" Trevor Noah asked at The Daily Show. "Is she gonna swipe right or far left?" But "Warren has a good point" about sexism, he said. "A woman addressing sexism, or ignoring it, while running for president is either going to be seen as a whiner or living on another planet. Which is unfair, especially since the president is already a whiner who lives on another planet. And whether you think sexism played a role or not, you have to admit it's pretty strange that a race that started with a broad tapestry of candidates is now basically down to two old white men."
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Yes, in spite of Warren's "experience, her track record, and her skills in the debates, American voters ultimately decided she just didn't have what they were looking for in a president — which is a penis," Jimmy Kimmel said on Kimmel Live. "It's hard to argue sexism didn't play some part, and not just direct sexism. ... It's second-hand sexism." With the race down to Bernie and Biden, he said, "basically, it's like when you're trying to choose which type of Breyer's vanilla to get at the supermarket, and they've got the the natural, the homemade, and the extra creamy. Which flavor will beat that chunky monkey in the Oval Office? I guess we'll find out." Watch below. Peter Weber
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